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The Epic of Benjawulf, because I brought this thing back to life with a parody of a classic once, so I might as well do it again.

Lo! Many things of most interesting results have happened

To me, my family and our assorted felines

Since a post was last put upon this blog.

We  have journeyed far, and no longer live on a farm,

but in a lovely house, that we do not call Heorot. Unfortunately,

It is completely true, though it would be very convenient if it weren’t.

In this birthplace of Starbucks and the businessmen

Who buy their coffee there, we have lived contentedly for a year.

Most of us being underage, mead has not been drunk from tankards,

Though my sister has learned the secrets of french-press hot chocolate,

Which surely makes up for a lack of mead.

But these happy days were soon to end. For a demon,

A God-forsaken creature, a fiend from Hell

Crept into our home one hot summer’s day,

Just a week or two ago. With brazen scuttlings

That spider had scurried up the wall, and I had not

Noticed it whilst I was sweeping the floor.

I let out a surely and terribly embarrassing shriek,

And began to panic at the thought of being forced to capture

the horrible creature. For twelve seconds, I stood beholding the thing

Thin and two inches in diameter, with leg-span, the very picture of the Devil’s

Servant. But Lo! Benjawulf did come running to help, brave soul.

“Where’s the spider?” he asked, “For I have come to slay it for you.”

I indicated the spot where the spider lay, not moving, watching, it seemed.

“Wow!” Benjawulf cried, all wonder. “Do I really have to kill it?”

“YES.” Said I. “It is a scourge upon the wall of our house,

and I find it truly more awful and terrifying than anything else.”

“Okay, Hreleanor, I’ll get rid of it for you, have no fear.”

I watched, still in fear, as Benjawulf readied himself for battle.

A plastic glass did he grab, and a piece of scratch paper.

Then the spider twitched, and Benjawulf sprang.

For maybe three minutes did they battle, the spider

Leaping for the cover of the back of a cabinet,

Benjawulf following, moving the furniture to find the fiend.

He nudged it with the paper, poked it with the cup,

And finally he twisted his wrist, and with a gleam in his eye

Brave Benjawulf, son of Ecgthedave, captured the spider.

It was released outside, far from the house, and we all rejoiced.

Since then two more spiders of similar prodigious size

Have been found. Both times they have haunted the shower,

But Benjawulf and his companion Joshlaf have been called

to remove the devilish creatures, with success each day it happens.

 

I’m really glad we don’t live in the part of Washington that has black widows.

Eleanor

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Posted by on September 10, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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